>>>> If you need a good laugh, try reading through these
>>>> children’s science
>>>> exam answers…
>>>> Q: Name the four seasons.
>>>> A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
>>>> Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made
>>>> safe to
>>>> A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
>>>> pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
>>>> Q: How is dew formed?
>>>> A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
>>>> perspire. < BR>
>>>> Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love
>>>> A: Keep it in the cow.
>>>> Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
>>>> A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon.
>>>> All water tends
>>>> to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the
>>>> moon, and
>>>> nature hates a vacuu m. I forget where the sun joins in
>>>> this fight.
>>>> Q: What are steroids?
>>>> A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
>>>> Q: What happens to your body as you age?
>>>> A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
>>>> Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
>>>> A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
>>>> (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)
>>>> < B>
>>>> Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
>>>> A: Premature death.
>>>> Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g.,
>>>> A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium,
>>>> the borax and
>>>> the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the
>>>> contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity
>>>> contains the five
>>>> bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
>>>> Q: What is the fibula?
>>>> A: A small lie.
>>>> Q: What does ‘varicose’ mean? (I do love this
>>>> A: Nearby.
>>>> Q: Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarian
>>>> A: The Caesarian Sect ion is a district in Rome.
>>>> Q: What does the word ‘benign’ mean?’
>>>> A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Fun | Tags: Astronomy, Death, Earth, Kids and Teens, Moon, Rome, School Time, Solar System | Comment (0)
GUYS – DON’T GIVE BAD PRESENTS – YOU’LL END UP IN THE DOGHOUSE!
This is HILARIOUS! It’s an ad campaign from JC Penny about where men go when they give BAD XMAS GIFTS! Yes, it’s the commercialism of the holiday but I have to admit I find the ad creative and very funny!
http://blog.wired.com/business/2008/12/welcome-to-the.htmlFun | Comment (0)
Here’s a prime example of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix. The professor told his class one day, “Today we will experiment with a
new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework
tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely no talking
outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”
The following was actually turned in by two of his students, Rebecca and
(1st paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
(2nd paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,”
said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No
of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish particle
FLASHED out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay.
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel, “Laurie read in her
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why
must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she wondered
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh, shall I
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA???! Oh no,
WHAT AM I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
F$%^ YOU, YOU NEANDERTHAL!
Go drink some tea, whore.
A+ . . . I really liked this one.
I just learned about a new very fun website www.freerice.com <http://www.freerice.com> , which was created by Harvard Univ. and the UN. Here’s the deal: you play a game and each answer you get correct donates 20 grains of rice to the UN World Food Program. Each answer you get correct will lead you to a slightly harder question, incorrect to an easier question, and so on. There are all kinds of categories from English vocabulary, lanugages, art, geography, math, science. Spend just 10 minutes and you can feed someone for an entire day~~great way to ‘waste time’ isn’t it, and you increase your brain power while you do it.
Upscale Treehouse Honeymoon Destination for Singles.
The legendary Dragonfly Ranch (voted #1 B&B in West Hawaii), has hosted happy honeymooners for 25+ years. Now it is also catering to individuals who wish to formalize their own personal male/female union.
Soul Proprietor of this Healing Arts Center, Barbara Moore, is offering $1000 in lodging for the winner of the “Be Your Own Valentine” vow writing contest. Vows will be judged on authenticity, poetic beauty, and humor. Please submit entries to Barbara at: email@example.com
The lucky winner will be announced on Valentine’s Day, 2009.
Fun | Tags: Holidays, Holidays and Special Days, marriage vows, People and Society, Valentine Day | Comment (0)